either way, I'm mentally incapable of reading a book on a computer.
Start practicing. Most of the really interesting articles you'll come across (and need to read) are electronic. Do you think a quick read like java for the absolute beginner would teach me enough of the syntax to use jME, as a large amount of the commands would be replaced by jME stuff?
In my experience "for dummies" books and the like are almost entirely useless. If you think you can get by only knowing the syntax, get a reference manual like Java in a Nutshell. But you'll be mistaken.